​I was backing up my laptop recently, extra carefully as it happens,  because I was about to go on holiday leaving the PC behind in the workshop, so as not to be distracted from spending time with my young family by an irrational desire to keep up with work emails.

My thoughts at this time are drawn to the matter of risk assessment, namely the ratio of likelihood of theft or fire, to the direness of the consequences of such a loss of valuable apparatus.

To give you an example: what is the risk of a road accident involving your own car and a lorry? Probably quite small. But how dire would be the consequences? Well, almost too awful to contemplate. This process does concentrate the mind.

Now, we tend to value equipment rather as an accountant would, by placing expensive new electronic gear on a (real or notional) capital asset register, and then noting with the passing of time, how quickly the value of the item declines as newer models come out.  You can purchase second-hand gear at depreciated prices as soon as a newer version come into retail, because someone is always upgrading.

So the capital value of… tech-stuff falls off a cliff as soon as you get it home and unpack it. If it was stolen or destroyed while still in the packaging, it might only have been worth 80% of the purchase price, or less.

But think of this. What is the value to you, of a two-year old laptop full of your personal data and settings? How big a disaster would losing that be to you? 

Here's my guess for a self-employed business person losing two years worth of data plus a working set of all their earlier data as well. Financially I would say at least 10 times the cost of the PC. And that is not counting the possible value of your data to a competitor, nor the downtime to your business operations.

How many hours of your working life would it cost you, replacing your laptop, re-installing applications, applying your settings for email and getting yourself back in touch with everyone out there? Multiply that by a modest charge-out rate for your time, and the cost of assistance from a techie like That I.T. Guy to speed up the process and limit the cost-damage.

And consider further, the older the device, the more complex the recovery process, encompassing as it must, system and security upgrades, to future-proof your data and your device.

Our suggestion is to make absolutely certain you can replicate your digital working environment without loss of data, or time. This is not as simple as it sounds. Verification of backups is critical, and certainty is not without potential snags.

That I.T.Guy can help you secure your data, and make recovery from a lost device, Smartphone or PC, as quick and painless as possible. Ring me right now on 021 57 66 86

So often I suddenly remember to pay a bill or transfer some money after the evening meal when I am relaxed and chilling out. This evening I remembered the... Mortgage!  Aargh!

So I grabbed my mobile device and began to logon to my bank. Oops, I found myself looking at a new interface which strobed, pulsed, and annoyed me hugely.

My bank has spent a fortune on a lovely new website, and boy, it really is lovely to look at on an up-to-date browser.  But on my mobile device, it was impossible to get a logon screen, imposible even to stop it loading and reloading all the images and applets.

Did I want to download the mobile app? Ooh yes please, Mummy, that would be luvly! But... Nope, not compatible with my operating system. Aargh again!

OK, I thought. I'm cleverer than that. My Windows PC. Nope, the Logon screen would not load. (I later found out that I only needed to hit F5 to refresh the browser, but by now I was so nervous I could not think clearly.)

It's 5 minutes to close of banking in the evening, and I am looking down the barrel of charges, penalties, dishonour, ruined credit-ratings and possible meltdown. I can positively feel my blood-pressure rising. I imagine myself like Donald Duck pulling at my collar to release the pent-up steam in a noisy whistleblast.

I hate to admit it, (it was the time factor that drove me there), but I phoned customer service at the bank. My comrade-in-arms could not have been more calm and relaxing to talk to. We made the transfer in time, and I still live at the same address I'm pleased to report.

But I have a problem with the policy of my bank in building this new website.  In the interests, no doubt, of security, they have made it incompatible with older systems. My lovely mobile device, which is slim and compact and slips into a shirt pocket and does (did) everything I need it to, is now useless for banking, the most crucial of all possible services.

Something is not right. My bankers are risking losing clients, by shutting even recent legacy systems out of their internet banking system.

I have to consider moving to a bank with a less secure system. Pffft. I can't decide if that's good or bad.

I have read of recent incidents in Dallas, Connecticut and Yorkshire where fires have started from cellphone chargers being incorrectly used. In one case three children died in a fire.

The common aspect in all of them was the danger of leaving a cellphone under the pillow while it's plugged into the charger. The pillow began to burn and smoulder, and toxic fumes caused breathing difficulties. The fumes from burnt synthetic materials can case brain-death whilst the victim sleeps, a sleep from which they will never waken.

I have blogged about batteries before. But I do find them amazing and even frightening. How do they work?, and why are they becoming more and more dangerous with every innovation in the technology?

All batteries rely on the energy difference between the beginning and end states of a chemical reaction. It works like this. Imagine a waterfall. As the water falls from the the top it releases spray. In a battery, as the reaction procees down the energy slope it releases free electrons which can power your device.

The clever bit is that we can push the water back up to the top of the waterfall so it can do it all over again. The battery charger pushes the electrons back in, and runs the reaction back up the energy slope to where it was before.

My cellphone can easily run 72 hours continuously. It will then recharge in about 30 minutes. That means pushing the waterfall back to the top 144 times faster than it fell down in the first place. Thinking about that, call me a sceptic, I always wonder what the cost of this has to be. No system can be perfectly efficient. There have to be losses somewhere, no?

Of course. It's always the same thing. Heat - more and more of it as battery technology evolves. The latest generation of rechargable batteries (for driving electric motors) are heading towards a packaging limitation where the materials cannot handle the heat. In 2013 Boeing grounded its entire fleet of 787 Dreamliners while they dealt with exactly this problem.

These days, as our electronic machines get thinner, lighter, faster, gruntier, more desirable, they contain ever longer, finer copper pathways folded with ever more complexity around in a tighter space. This costs heat, through friction - as simple as that. And that heat must be conducted and vented away somehow.

And that is the central design problem of our age. It drove the innovation of duo-core processing, because single-core processors got so powerful they were melting off their motherboard. The (probably temporary) solution was to split a processor into two parts and make them work together. The unexpected advantage was that this new architecture allowed more complex processing operations to run exponentially faster by removing downtime (measured in nanoseconds) between tasks.

That was the clever bit: a problem in packaging solved by rolling it back up the innovation slope.

I have two facts and a conclusion for you today:

Every single human being on Earth is entitled to their privacy.

Most democratic governments in the world, like our own, are working every single day to remove those rights from us.

Conclusion: Encrypt your traffic. Encrypt your hard drive. Secure your firewall. This is your right.

It's not necessary, in my opinion, to achieve military-grade security. It's need be only strong enough to say "Mind your own business, this is my data."

As a postscript - if anyone says to you : "If you're not doing anything wrong, then you have nothing to fear." You may reply "That is the weakest, laziest justification ever, for stealing my rights".

Delete them from your contacts, for they are not your friend.

Last week Windows Technical Department called me, er... yes me!,  what... ME?  Yes, TWICE!

Maybe Microsoft had me on their minds for some time. Perhaps a memo circulated down at head office for some weeks and months about how we outta call that IT guy in New... what, New Hampshire?, no New Zealand! dammit. Maybe Mr Gates finally blew his stack and shouted at someone to just get onto me and sort it out.

Well, the caller was in Bombay, and the line sounded like he had his head and the receiver underwater.

How many times have they called me now?  Over the last 6 or 8 years, at least 5 times.  About almost once a year in fact. They introduce themselves as Jim Stevens, or Doug Philips or something waspy. But they all sound like Peter Sellers doing his Nogood Boyo.

Does anyone else get these hoax calls, or am I some kind of magnet for the hoaxters?  Please let me know.

Once I even got a death threat from one of them. I kept him on the phone for an hour, and had a talking to from his boss, who got so frazzed by my vagueness and over-helpfulness he eventually promised to send a hitman. I'm still waiting.

The thing which most hurt was when I reported the death-threat to the Police in Wellington. The Officer of the Watch almost kicked me out of the door onto Victoria Street. I mean, what's a death-threat these days to the Police? Not even worth taking notes about. Short shrift I got.

I need to say at this point that Microsoft will not phone you with a technical point that needs fixing on your computer. Just hang up. Otherwise they will ask you to go on the internet and visit some website and download their nasty software for what nefarious purposes only they know. And the NZ Police won't help you much either.

One thing is for sure, what ever it is they want you to do, it will not be for your benefit.

Murder most foul is afoot...

Is it the wicked Professor Plum in the Library, working with his laptop pugged in?  Or perhaps could it be the vivacious Miss Scarlet in the Conservatory, running her notebook on battery power?

That IT Guy has the answer, as ever...!

Professor Plum is the refugee from Edgar Allen Poe's most terrifying thriller. He is slowly strangling the battery of his laptop, by leaving it plugged in all the time while he is working. Within a few months, his battery will be as weak as a baby, holding only half an hour of charge.

Meanwhile the delightful Miss Scarlet is running her battery down, until it reminds her to recharge. Wherever she goes with her notebook, her battery carries over 4 hours of charge.

Yes, Miss Scarlet treats her battery like a pet poodle, seeing that it get lots of good exercise, and a good run to tire it out at least every few days. That way, her best friend is ready for big fun whenever Miss Scarlet is able to take him out.

So, gentle computerites, what is our lesson here? That IT Guy has a simple message for you: use your battery in preference to mains power, and let the system ask you for a recharge when it needs. The battery manager will keep it in best condition, and all the better for being used hard. Keeping it plugged in while you work makes your battery weak and lazy.

There is of course a caveat, that we must remind you of. There are one or two bits of computer housekeeping that must be done whilst plugged into the charger cable. Those processes are: downloading and installing automatic updates, making or restoring a backup, restoring the system. If the power runs out during one of these processes, then disaster may ensue, and even the vivacious Miss Scarlet may not escape a murder rap.

No thanks.  I have a phone, an iPod Touch, and a businessy fast-laptop to carry around if I need it.  

But I don't.  I never carry it because...  well for one thing it's too big,  and for another, I can access all my contacts and business records from my iPod Touch.  If I need to call anyone I can use my phone.

Many people love their iPhone or Smartphone -  so why not have that fantastic capability?  Does that make me a Luddite, then?

No.  It's simply that if I am in a cafe between jobs,  I can answer a call,  and without taking the phone from my ear,  note down in the iPod all the contact data need, with my other hand.  There's my office, right there at l'Affare. (Except much noisier!)

At home I have my 8-year-old iMac which still runs as fast as the new ones,  though I'm not entirely sure why.  I do re-install the operating system from time to time,  but not annually.  I'm sure I don't even need to.

I'm good thanks.  It all works for me just the way I need it to,  and to some extent I've adapted to it,  especially as it gives me independence, mobility, and the freedom to improvise.

My big laptop runs Windows, and when we're camping somewhere off the grid, like Lake Tutira north of Hawkes Bay,  I can slip the sim-card in the back and go 3G and catch up on essential correspondence every few days. (Wish I didn't have to...)

But why don't I use a Tablet?  -  I mean, it does everything, right?  

Well no it doesn't.  I cannot run with 2 windows open and toggle between.  It's too clunky to use fast, and I can't slip it into my pocket like an iPod or Smartphone.  

Actually what I fancy is a little Mac-Book Air, that would fit into my shoulder-bag.  I would treat it just like my iPod Touch.  I could dispense entirely with the iPod and be finished for ever with those weak, limited iPod Apps.  All I am waiting for is the Mac Air to boot-up in say, 20 seconds.

I'd install a portable printer in the car, for invoices,  and never see my family again for long periods.  Mmmn -  then I'd be spending 40 days in the wilderness for real!

Anybody who has stood on the top of a mountain range in claggy weather knows that clouds are a wet, cold, windy and nasty mess of unpleasantness, discomfort and danger. and they drift in and out. One moment you can see for miles, and the next you are blanketed in clag, and you are totally miserable.

The other day I was reading a pop-tech article about "The Cloud" in a consumer magazine, and noted how almost every sentence contained either error or misconception about what the cloud is, how it works, and how useful, convenient, safe, secure, and reliable it all is.

Imagine how it would be if my mate Don, who is a project manager for a tech company, and was recently sent to Montevideo for a week to consult to a sister company on a roll-out of their firm's technology in that glamorous city, if having uploaded all the relevant materials to the cloud before he left, arrived in South America to find that the accounts department at home had forgotten to pay their annual bill to the cloud storage company,  and Don was now shut out from his data. I cannot imagine a worse recipe for stress, and wasted time and opportunity,  not to mention financial loss.

Okay, in reality the cloud is probably a server-farm in Dallas or Milwaukee. But what would happen to your precious backup (and I really do mean precious, as well as vital, valuable, and deeply confidential) if the firm in Dallas went bust or was subject to a hostile take-over from Wall Street. Who would now own your data, could shut you out from it, raise your fees, have access to it to use however they wanted? Would they respect the contract you had with the original provider? Do you imagine they would care deeply about customer service, the sanctity of a legal contract, and your right to privacy?

OK, now let us imagine that Don in Montevideo has lost 3 days (don't forget there's a time-difference) sorting out access to the firm's cloud-storage account. Are we sure the data would still be there. What if they binned it? My own telecoms provider once dinned my account password after being hacked, and when access was re-established it was a fresh account, and all my contacts, emails and attachments were lost forever. Did the hacker get them? Is there now a Russian mafioso running around Europe with an NZ passport and credit-cards in my name? And did Don have any time left over in Montevideo for tango lessons?

The consumer article went on to advise against using shared computers to access your cloud services. Well now, what is the point of being able to access your data from anywhere if some access points are intrinsically insecure? Surely Don wants to have a conversation with a person in Montevideo, take down notes, phone numbers and what have you on any pc that was handy, save a text file to the cloud and fly home again happy that a contact report was already lodged back at HQ.

I am not saying that the Cloud is a bad thing. But... I am certain that its enormous popularity is due in part to laziness. Why don't we want to take responsibility for our own data, especially those crucial backups that will save us from ruin if the worst happens? Shouldn't we keep our data on our own hardware where we know it is safe and inaccessible. Bearing in mind that redundancy is our greatest tool against data loss, then a little black flash-drive kept in the bottom drawer of the spare bedroom round at mum's place, or in the ceiling of the garage, is still the best hedge against fire or theft.

So hardware, not fluffyware, might just be the best way to stay in control of your own destiny.

Computer illiteracy is a myth

I often hear from my clients the phrase "we're not very computer-literate" and a part of me always thinks: "Don't... say that, please!"

There are several reasons for my reaction. I am first of all wary of the opportunity this presents to the more unscrupulous IT professional to fleece the innocent client. Secondly, I feel that there are an amazing number of people out there in New Zealand who really are functionally illiterate, and who suffer more than anyone can know because of it. And here I'm talking about real literacy: the ability to write competently, and to read and fully comprehend the English language.

By the numbers

If we divide the citizens of New Zealand into three bands: fully literate, partially literate, and functionally illiterate, we find that two-fifths of all New Zealanders cannot fill out a simple questionnaire — yes, forty percent! Another two-fifths have difficulty understanding anything other than specifically-composed plain English, and cannot write simple English with correct spelling and grammar. Finally and most astonishingly, a mere one-fifth, only about twenty percent of all New Zealanders, can manage complex text to university standard.

This is a shameful statistic, and I have it from the NZ Ministry of Education, and it's the same in Australia, Canada, and the US.

Txt-language to the rescue

To many New Zealanders txt-language has been a godsend, because it allows them to cover up their inadequacies with phonetic shorthand. It gives them permission to spell badly without being judged, and to communicate with greater freedom using the written word.

It is also an explicit condemnation of us as a society.

Spell-check — not a magic bullet

But to relate all this to "computer-literacy" I need at this point to remind readers that spell-check and grammar-check (F7 in most Microsoft programs) means that whilst the grossest spelling and grammatical errors can be corrected by the computer, the clarity of thought and discipline of expression of a fully literate person cannot be synthesised.

Poor literacy — not a barrier to computer literacy

I deal with clients by phone, who have phenomenal knowledge of their particular field, but who will not reply to an email because they are embarrassed by their poor language skills. Sometimes this is because of dyslexia, and I note that certain dyslexics have risen to amazing success in spite of the obstacles they face. But more often than not, I am sure, it's flat-out embarrassment.

By comparison, computer-literacy does not exist at all. I mean, anyone can switch a computer on, and it will boot into Windows. All they really need to know from there is not to shut down by switching-off at the wall. It's the only rule. Everything else should be in the help menu (F1). Of course I cannot stop you knocking the plug off the plug-board with the Hoover! But honestly, it's the only thing you really godda remember...!